134. Burnout Prevention: How to Stop Overfunctioning
Are you constantly swooping in to save the day, taking on excessive responsibility, and feeling like you're the only one who can do things right? You might be caught in the pattern of overfunctioning. In this episode, I dive deep into this common behavior that I see in my interior design clients—and honestly, in myself, too.
Overfunctioning is a coping mechanism that gives us the illusion of control, but it comes at a significant cost. When we overfunction, we take on responsibilities that aren't ours, try to manage other people's emotions, and hold ourselves to impossibly high standards. This pattern can lead to burnout without us even realizing it, as we continue to push past our internal limits while outwardly appearing to handle everything perfectly.
I share the signs of overfunctioning, why we do it, and most importantly, how to break free from this pattern. By understanding the difference between healthy responsibility and overfunctioning, you can create more balance in your business and personal life. I offer practical questions to help you identify your own patterns and strategies to shift toward a more sustainable way of operating.
If you've been thinking about working with me one-on-one, be sure to get on the private coaching waitlist! Click here to learn more about Design to Thrive and secure your spot to be the first to know when availability opens up.
What You’ll Discover from this Episode:
How to identify the key signs of overfunctioning in your business and personal life.
Why overfunctioning is a coping mechanism that can sneakily lead to burnout.
The three-pronged approach to breaking overfunctioning patterns.
How to distinguish between what is your responsibility and what belongs to others.
Powerful questions to explore when you notice yourself slipping into overfunctioning behaviors.
Ways to soften your grip on control and create more sustainable business practices.
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133. Confrontation or Communication? Navigating Difficult Conversations
Full Episode Transcript:
Hey designer, you're listening to episode 134. In this one, we're going to be talking about a pattern I frequently see in my clients, and let's be honest, myself too. These behavioral patterns fall under the category of overfunctioning. It is so important to understand the signs because of how overfunctioning contributes to burnout, both from a prevention standpoint and from the perspective of solving for existing feelings of being drained and worn out.
Today, we're diving into what overfunctioning is. You'll know if you fall in this category and what you can do about it to move beyond overfunctioning to a more healthy, supportive level of responsibility for yourself, your business, and others.
Welcome to The Interior Design Business CEO, the only show for designers who are ready to confidently run and grow their businesses without the stress and anxiety. If you're ready to develop a bigger vision for your interior design business, free up your time, and streamline your days for productivity and profit, you're in the right place.
I'm Desi Creswell, an award-winning interior designer and certified life and business coach. I help interior designers just like you stop feeling overwhelmed so they can build profitable businesses they love to run. Are you ready to confidently lead your business, clients, and projects? Let's go.
Hello designer, welcome back to the podcast. I hope you're having a good week. Happy Wednesday, if you're listening to this in real time. I just got back from a nice long walk. I had a call with one of my coach friends. And it's always really fun to connect and talk about all the things that we just love to noodle on and explore. Anyway, so feeling filled up by that, and I'm excited to bring you this topic today.
And what we're talking about is overfunctioning and the connection to burnout. Now, that sounds all really heavy, right? But it's so important because the behaviors associated with overfunctioning are such a cause of stress and emotional drain, and time consumption for so many designers that I connect with. And it's also something that I have to really have a lot of awareness around for myself, so I don't default into these patterns in my own work and personal life as well.
If you've been feeling like you're just not as fulfilled as you used to be, maybe like you're operating in survival mode or on autopilot, maybe even feeling a little bit resentful of the business, you're definitely going to want to listen to this. And also, you don't have to be at that breaking point to get a ton of value from what I'm sharing here, because a lot of these things are very subtle and they can build over time. And so even if you're not past the point of healthy functioning into overfunctioning, it's really good to know the signs and symptoms of what happens with these patterns in ourselves and be able to really do something about it if you see that it's happening and where you're headed.
What I want you to walk away from with this episode is to first understand what overfunctioning can look like and recognize where it might be showing up for you in your business. As with anything we can talk about, there's always a range and a spectrum of how these types of things show up and impact us. So, we'll talk about it in kind of a concrete way, but also know that there's varying flavors of how overfunctioning will show up that'll be unique to you.
The second thing I want to cover today is the sneaky way that overfunctioning can lead to burnout without you even realizing it. And how this perspective really has influenced my coaching philosophy, and how I'm going to encourage you to start to make some small shifts in your own behaviors. And then the last thing I want you to walk away with is to know what to do if you recognize these signs of overfunctioning so that you can decrease the stress and strain it's causing you, both in your personal life and in your business, so that you can start to feel lighter and feel better.
So that we're all on the same page when I'm using this phrase, overfunctioning, let's talk about it. What is overfunctioning?
Now, overfunctioning refers to a pattern of behaviors where a person takes on excessive responsibility and control in their relationships, work, or other areas of life. This can manifest in a lot of different ways, and I'll give you some examples so you can start to see what this looks like for you, remembering there is a spectrum and you may fall any which way on that.
The key here is that word excessive. There is a tipping point to overfunctioning, and we'll talk a little bit more about how you identify that tipping point for yourself later on in the episode.
I want to give you some examples of how you'll know if you're potentially in overfunctioning mode. It can show up in a variety of ways. One of those ways being, avoiding conflict.
Last week in episode 133, I talked about how to navigate some of those difficult conversations we have as a business owner, and this tension or sometimes inner conflict we have with ourselves of having to say what needs to be said. And that directly ties to this idea here of avoiding conflict.
One of the things you can be attuned to is if you are in overfunctioning mode, what's going to be happening more often than not is you're going to be defaulting to always going with the flow or submitting to requests outside of maybe your service agreement with a client or going against what your preferences or inner knowing are telling you. That's one way you might be in overfunctioning mode.
Another thing you might see in yourself is always being the problem solver for others. Often this will look like swooping in to save the day or just taking over something that someone else is actually responsible for. And maybe you're taking on work that no one asked you for help on. Maybe it's you see someone doing something and you decide that you'd be the better person, or you could do it faster. It could even be a really subtle thing, like making sure you're at meetings you don't need to be at or CC'd on emails you don't really need to see. Just kind of trying to keep tabs on things at all times and sort of your hands in all the pots or a jumping in, save the day kind of situation.
Which goes to the next sign of overfunctioning is that you're trying to keep tight control on situations. So this could look like checking in on your team excessively when they've shown you they have it covered, or wanting every decision run by you.
Another thing you might notice in yourself if you are overfunctioning could be perfectionistic or people-pleasing tendencies. This could look like believing no one will do it as well as you, which kind of goes back to that swooping in piece, or possibly toiling away on things past the point of done. And it could also look like bending over backward to give up your time or schedule meetings outside of work hours or not asking to be paid for things that you should be paid for.
And then the last one that I want to call out for a sign of overfunctioning is feeling responsible for other people's feelings. And this was another thing that I also covered in last week's episode. What this can look like is jumping in and absorbing the brunt of some situations so that someone else doesn't have to be inconvenienced, or trying to avoid them having any sort of negative emotion. Meaning it could be trying to not have a negative emotion towards you, which speaks to the people-pleasing tendencies, or having just a negative emotion in general about the circumstance that has arrived.
Those are some of the key indicators if we look at what is overfunctioning and, am I in overfunctioning mode? And as I'm going through these, you might be raising your hand going, yeah, that's me. Check, check, check. Like I said, it's a spectrum. So I just want you to kind of check in to see which of these resonates or where you can see some of these characteristics in yourself.
Now, the other thing you might be thinking is maybe, why do I do this to myself? Or even, well, I have to be this way. I don't like that I'm like this, but if I'm not like this, things are going to go off the rails. It's the only option I have.
My guess is that a lot of you are relating to these signs of overfunctioning. And I think most of us can sit back and reflect on that list I just shared and go, hmm, okay. I can see how that's not great. And I can feel the responsibility that puts on me to navigate my days with.
So then the question becomes, why do we do it if it feels so hard and heavy? And the reason is, overfunctioning is a coping mechanism. It can arise from a lot of different factors, but a big one of these is that it can be a way of managing our own anxieties and worries. Overfunctioning can give you the sense of being more in control. And a lot of us like being in control. And when we overfunction in this way, we can exert more influence over situations. So what that does is it just reinforces that is the way it has to be.
And the other piece of this too is that through your actions that could be aligned with overfunctioning, you've probably even been praised and rewarded for being highly responsible, highly responsive, reliable, competent, and caring. So you've probably gotten some really positive feedback from that, or it's helped you in some way.
Being responsible, being competent and caring, those are all great qualities. And if you think about what you do as an interior designer for your clients and even those you lead in your company, those really are excellent traits to possess. The issue is when we start to overdo it.
One last thing that I want to call out here is that overfunctioning, while it can feel really bad, it doesn't necessarily feel good to have that sense of I have to do this by myself. No one can do it but me. I have to go save this person or save the day. That can feel really stressful, but it can also feel really good.
Being the master orchestrator can be energizing. You are making it happen. You know that feeling, that zippy feeling of like, yes, I am in control, and this feels good. And also that sense of control can feed into your identity and sense of self. I think this is important to call out because we're talking about overfunctioning in this episode as something that isn't necessarily, quote unquote, good. Probably something you'd want to change in your life. And it's also useful to recognize that our behaviors always have a purpose. And so there might be a really good reason why you're feeling like you have to do this from an emotional fuel standpoint.
Your behaviors that you're engaging in can show up as almost personality traits of this is who this person is. And as the person helping someone out, wanting to be considerate, making sure all the T's are crossed and the I's are dotted, that can be great. And then sometimes we end up over the line. I like to just think of this as a category of overing.
Once you're over the line, it can really start to cause serious problems for you, including burnout, stress, resentment, trouble sleeping, and unhelpful relationship dynamics.
I don't think that there's a clear line in the sand of when it's normal, we'll call it normal functioning, versus overfunctioning. And maybe you're thinking, yeah, I am just highly responsible. I'm on top of it. I can do all these things. I can make it work. That could absolutely be true. And I still encourage you to consider where you might be pushing past your internal limit without recognizing it. Especially if overfunctioning behaviors fuel an identity that you connect to or aspire to.
From my own personal experience, this is where overfunctioning can sneakily lead to burnout. There have been times I can think back on where I was, you know, doing all the things and was actually handling it from an outside perspective, and even my own perception, because I couldn't see what I could not see, really well. And I've seen this in clients too.
From that outside perspective, you know, I was highly responsible, meeting goals. I was doing all the mom things and the work things, and feeling like, yeah, I have got this. And only in hindsight now, I can see how disconnected I was to my body, kind of like that saying living from the neck up, and not realizing that I had tipped over my own internal line.
There can be a lot of reasons why we can tip over our line without even noticing it. A lot of times this can just be the simple pace at which we're moving. If we're taking action to control everything, taking over responsibility, that just takes up a lot of mental energy and a lot of actual time. And so if we don't pause to reflect on how we're showing up, it's really hard to see what's actually going on.
And I think a big part of what was going on for me back then was I'd gotten so good at being able to pretty much mindset my way through anything. Meaning, I could quickly find alternative ways of thinking about things that would put me into action. I could follow through. I always honored what I said I was going to do, and could always motivate myself to do more and show up how I wanted to show up.
This is incredible, and mindset work is a highly effective part of my toolbox as a business owner and in my personal relationships. Being able to leverage your mind through this cognitive approach that I teach my clients absolutely will change the trajectory of your life. It honestly will. And there's also this other piece. And when I look back to Desi of, you know, more than a decade ago, she was missing this piece. And that is to learn to tune in to your own internal signals of too much or not enough.
And that really requires you to develop an awareness of the physical, emotional sensations you experience in your body, and that we often will call feelings, to understand your own tipping point and then bring yourself back to a more balanced state.
I like to think of these internal sensations as these little mini alarm bells. They're starting to go off. They're always talking to you. The question is, are you listening? Because when we just start to continually override our system, that is when the overfunctioning is going to lead to burnout. And if we're not paying attention through a variety of ways and not attending to ourselves, we will breeze right past that point.
This was really a lesson that I had to learn from, and I want to share it here with you because what I didn't realize was that you can be burned out from overfunctioning and not even realize it, or not recognize the full extent to which it's happening because of the outward appearance of handling it all, and maybe even doing a pretty good job at it. But what is happening underlying the high performance, if you're not watching for it, is that the overfunctioning coping mechanisms, because remember, we use overfunctioning to help cope with stress and anxiety. What happens is the coping mechanism starts to be the thing that actually creates the other thing we need to cope from. So the thing we're using to try to handle the stress and anxiety are actually creating more stress and anxiety.
That's not just because of the internal angst we start to feel, it's also because of some of the outward expressions of those behaviors. This could look like you not meeting deadlines because you're over-perfecting things and holding your clients up. Or it could be an office culture that you've created where it's one of micromanaging, and your employees don't feel like they have agency. So there's all sorts of negative things that can start to happen outside of just you feeling bad, which, of course, is quite bad in and of itself.
What I think we can agree though, is it is not sustainable to operate in this way. And knowing the difference between when you're taking responsibility in a way that feels whole and good for you and knowing when you've crossed the line really is crucial to your well-being and your functioning as a business owner.
This understanding has really informed my coaching philosophy over the years from my own personal experience of just working with so many designers is that we have to support our business by supporting ourselves as its most important asset. And that's going to be most effective through a combination of mindset work, body-based practices with emotions, and strategy.
This is really at the core of the methodology I'm bringing to each of my clients I work with, pulling in the various pieces as the client moves from their challenges into solutions. If you don't have all three of these, the mind, the body, and the strategy, it's really challenging to move out of overfunctioning.
To give you an example of this, maybe we look at problem solving for others or swooping in to save the day, or take over. In order to solve for this behavior that's causing issues for you, you first have to hold the belief, which is your mindset, that others are capable of rising to the occasion. Okay? If you do not have that belief, then you're going to continue to believe that you have to step in.
So, from the belief that others are capable and will rise to the occasion, then you can implement successful strategies for delegation and accountability. With the mindset and the strategy, then, you work on creating the feeling, which is the emotion or the language of the body, of assurance that you've done what was yours in this scenario. And you also work on creating the feeling of trust in yourself that if something does need to be resolved after the fact, you will be able to handle that.
When you solve for the negative outcomes of overfunctioning with this three-pronged holistic approach, you're starting to create sustainable change instead of defaulting to old patterning when there's little issues that arise.
I really encourage you to look at your overfunctioning patterns and even just the result of those patterns from this framework of what is the emotional capacity I need and what are the strategies I put in place to help support me in shifting the behaviors so that I can move from overfunctioning to a healthy level of responsibility for myself, for others, and also moving to a more balanced perception of the control you have in the future and over what you can actually influence and what you cannot.
With overfunctioning patterns, often we'll think that the solution to this feeling of being drained and overextended might be, oh, I just need to do more or push harder or next week or next month, I'm just in a season, it'll get better. Unless we tend to the underlying root causes of these behaviors, we won't see a change. And so I want you all to start to connect with your own internal knowing, whether that's a story you're telling, the sensations, the messages your body is sending you, asking yourself, am I functioning in a way that's supportive of me and others? Because just knowing that is the very first step.
And then I want to share some powerful questions you can use to start to explore how you could step out of some of these overfunctioning ways and step into a more healthy dynamic with yourself and with your business.
The first question is, what is mine and what is theirs? Where is that line and how do I stay on my side? So much of overfunctioning is this over-responsibility. And so we have to learn what is mine and what is theirs.
Another question you could ask yourself is, when I notice I want to swoop in, manage other people's emotions in a way I simply cannot do, or even notice I'm perfecting from a place of fear, what is my next best step? So when you notice you want to engage in an unuseful behavior, what is a way that you could gently bring yourself out of that pattern?
One of the things that I like to think of with overfunctioning is this very tight grip. It is your fist all clenched up and you're just trying to grasp control. So, another question you could explore is, what would it look like to soften your metaphorical grip?
And the last question I'll give you is, what am I worried will happen if I let go of the illusion I can control it all? With this question, we're letting those worries be heard. Because if overfunctioning is a way to cope with your anxiety, if we keep trying to shove the anxiety down and don't let it have its say, it will continue to fester.
Now, as you let some of these worries be heard, you could do a brain dump on it of like, I'm afraid this, I'm worried this will happen, right? Some of these fears are going to sound ridiculous when they see the light of day. And then you can go, oh, that's funny. All right. Never mind. And then some of the concerns might be valid. Let's say you're worried that if you don't do something, it won't get done. That's something that you could look at a strategy for. We could ask, why wouldn't it get done? Maybe it's that you don't have a process outlined, or you're not being clear enough in your delegation, or no one's actually owning that task. It's just sort of floating out in the ether, and you're hoping it'll get picked up. So then you know what you can do.
When you ask yourself these questions, you're going to start to increase your capacity to hold yourself and your own well-being. And of course, then that means the well-being of your business with a high level of respect. When we're overdoing it, we're often bulldozing over ourselves. So when we reset, it is for sure a way to respect ourselves. And as you engage with this work, be sure to notice even just the small shifts when you're changing your behavior, or maybe you're responding differently than before. They will happen, and I want you to be tuned in to when they do so that you can note them and encourage yourself to keep going with it.
I also want you to approach all of this with being willing to be wrong about your behaviors being necessary. Look at all of this with curiosity and possibility that maybe what you've been doing isn't as necessary as your control-enthusiast brain wants to tell you that it is. Our brain likes to be right, so we tend to look for evidence of what we believe to be true. So leave this open to the possibility of there being another way. And maintain that openness to what overfunctioning looks and feels like for you. Because the way that the way you begin to break these patterns down is going to be highly individualized.
Of course, working with a coach to understand your particular beliefs and patterns, and tendencies really can help you shift this. Having that outside perspective to see what you can't see, of course, is very effective. And if you're interested in working on this together, you can join my waitlist at desicreswell.com. If you click on the coaching tab, you can learn all about Design to Thrive private coaching partnerships and add your name to the waitlist, because that is the way that you will get first access when a spot becomes available.
As we wrap up, I do want to just acknowledge that this work can be uncomfortable, and we have to remember as we do it that it will be worth it. It will be worth it in creating balance in how you manage your time and how you engage in relationships in a mutually supportive way, and in how you're able to really create that thriving business you actually enjoy running.
And the key piece here is how you're going to create more true calm versus faux calm. And true calm is that calm that comes from within you and your own internal capacity and steadiness with yourself as the leader. Whereas overfunctioning is a faux type of calm. All we're doing is feeding that belief that we can control everything. And when we believe that, we have to maintain that heightened, highly activated state at all times in order to preserve the feeling of calm, even though it's not actually calm. So that is like the ultimate gift is feeling that grounded, centered, steady space inside of you, and having that be the person who grows this business.
I'd love to hear what you think about this episode, what parts hit home, what you're going to implement. And if you know another designer who would benefit from hearing this message, I encourage you to share it. Not only does this help me spread the word about the show, which is so, so useful, and thank you to all of you who've shared the show. The other big thing is that you could be the catalyst for change in someone else's world just by sharing this episode.
Next week, I'm going to be back with a brand new episode. Make sure you're subscribed to the show. I have some announcements coming up that you're really going to want to hear about what is next for both me personally and the podcast. And until then, I'm wishing you a beautiful week.
Thanks for joining me for this week's episode of The Interior Design Business CEO. If you want more tips, tools and strategies visit DesiCreswell.com, where you’ll get immediate access to a variety of free resources to help you take what you learn on the podcast and put it into action. And if you love what you’re hearing, be sure to rate, review, and follow the show wherever you listen to podcasts to ensure you never miss an episode. I’ll talk to you next week.
Today, we're diving into what overfunctioning is. You'll know if you fall in this category and what you can do about it to move beyond overfunctioning to a more healthy, supportive level of responsibility for yourself, your business, and others.
Welcome to The Interior Design Business CEO, the only show for designers who are ready to confidently run and grow their businesses without the stress and anxiety. If you're ready to develop a bigger vision for your interior design business, free up your time, and streamline your days for productivity and profit, you're in the right place.
I'm Desi Creswell, an award-winning interior designer and certified life and business coach. I help interior designers just like you stop feeling overwhelmed so they can build profitable businesses they love to run. Are you ready to confidently lead your business, clients, and projects? Let's go.
Hello designer, welcome back to the podcast. I hope you're having a good week. Happy Wednesday, if you're listening to this in real time. I just got back from a nice long walk. I had a call with one of my coach friends. And it's always really fun to connect and talk about all the things that we just love to noodle on and explore. Anyway, so feeling filled up by that, and I'm excited to bring you this topic today.
And what we're talking about is overfunctioning and the connection to burnout. Now, that sounds all really heavy, right? But it's so important because the behaviors associated with overfunctioning are such a cause of stress and emotional drain, and time consumption for so many designers that I connect with. And it's also something that I have to really have a lot of awareness around for myself, so I don't default into these patterns in my own work and personal life as well.
If you've been feeling like you're just not as fulfilled as you used to be, maybe like you're operating in survival mode or on autopilot, maybe even feeling a little bit resentful of the business, you're definitely going to want to listen to this. And also, you don't have to be at that breaking point to get a ton of value from what I'm sharing here, because a lot of these things are very subtle and they can build over time. And so even if you're not past the point of healthy functioning into overfunctioning, it's really good to know the signs and symptoms of what happens with these patterns in ourselves and be able to really do something about it if you see that it's happening and where you're headed.
What I want you to walk away from with this episode is to first understand what overfunctioning can look like and recognize where it might be showing up for you in your business. As with anything we can talk about, there's always a range and a spectrum of how these types of things show up and impact us. So, we'll talk about it in kind of a concrete way, but also know that there's varying flavors of how overfunctioning will show up that'll be unique to you.
The second thing I want to cover today is the sneaky way that overfunctioning can lead to burnout without you even realizing it. And how this perspective really has influenced my coaching philosophy, and how I'm going to encourage you to start to make some small shifts in your own behaviors. And then the last thing I want you to walk away with is to know what to do if you recognize these signs of overfunctioning so that you can decrease the stress and strain it's causing you, both in your personal life and in your business, so that you can start to feel lighter and feel better.
So that we're all on the same page when I'm using this phrase, overfunctioning, let's talk about it. What is overfunctioning?
Now, overfunctioning refers to a pattern of behaviors where a person takes on excessive responsibility and control in their relationships, work, or other areas of life. This can manifest in a lot of different ways, and I'll give you some examples so you can start to see what this looks like for you, remembering there is a spectrum and you may fall any which way on that.
The key here is that word excessive. There is a tipping point to overfunctioning, and we'll talk a little bit more about how you identify that tipping point for yourself later on in the episode.
I want to give you some examples of how you'll know if you're potentially in overfunctioning mode. It can show up in a variety of ways. One of those ways being, avoiding conflict.
Last week in episode 133, I talked about how to navigate some of those difficult conversations we have as a business owner, and this tension or sometimes inner conflict we have with ourselves of having to say what needs to be said. And that directly ties to this idea here of avoiding conflict.
One of the things you can be attuned to is if you are in overfunctioning mode, what's going to be happening more often than not is you're going to be defaulting to always going with the flow or submitting to requests outside of maybe your service agreement with a client or going against what your preferences or inner knowing are telling you. That's one way you might be in overfunctioning mode.
Another thing you might see in yourself is always being the problem solver for others. Often this will look like swooping in to save the day or just taking over something that someone else is actually responsible for. And maybe you're taking on work that no one asked you for help on. Maybe it's you see someone doing something and you decide that you'd be the better person, or you could do it faster. It could even be a really subtle thing, like making sure you're at meetings you don't need to be at or CC'd on emails you don't really need to see. Just kind of trying to keep tabs on things at all times and sort of your hands in all the pots or a jumping in, save the day kind of situation.
Which goes to the next sign of overfunctioning is that you're trying to keep tight control on situations. So this could look like checking in on your team excessively when they've shown you they have it covered, or wanting every decision run by you.
Another thing you might notice in yourself if you are overfunctioning could be perfectionistic or people-pleasing tendencies. This could look like believing no one will do it as well as you, which kind of goes back to that swooping in piece, or possibly toiling away on things past the point of done. And it could also look like bending over backward to give up your time or schedule meetings outside of work hours or not asking to be paid for things that you should be paid for.
And then the last one that I want to call out for a sign of overfunctioning is feeling responsible for other people's feelings. And this was another thing that I also covered in last week's episode. What this can look like is jumping in and absorbing the brunt of some situations so that someone else doesn't have to be inconvenienced, or trying to avoid them having any sort of negative emotion. Meaning it could be trying to not have a negative emotion towards you, which speaks to the people-pleasing tendencies, or having just a negative emotion in general about the circumstance that has arrived.
Those are some of the key indicators if we look at what is overfunctioning and, am I in overfunctioning mode? And as I'm going through these, you might be raising your hand going, yeah, that's me. Check, check, check. Like I said, it's a spectrum. So I just want you to kind of check in to see which of these resonates or where you can see some of these characteristics in yourself.
Now, the other thing you might be thinking is maybe, why do I do this to myself? Or even, well, I have to be this way. I don't like that I'm like this, but if I'm not like this, things are going to go off the rails. It's the only option I have.
My guess is that a lot of you are relating to these signs of overfunctioning. And I think most of us can sit back and reflect on that list I just shared and go, hmm, okay. I can see how that's not great. And I can feel the responsibility that puts on me to navigate my days with.
So then the question becomes, why do we do it if it feels so hard and heavy? And the reason is, overfunctioning is a coping mechanism. It can arise from a lot of different factors, but a big one of these is that it can be a way of managing our own anxieties and worries. Overfunctioning can give you the sense of being more in control. And a lot of us like being in control. And when we overfunction in this way, we can exert more influence over situations. So what that does is it just reinforces that is the way it has to be.
And the other piece of this too is that through your actions that could be aligned with overfunctioning, you've probably even been praised and rewarded for being highly responsible, highly responsive, reliable, competent, and caring. So you've probably gotten some really positive feedback from that, or it's helped you in some way.
Being responsible, being competent and caring, those are all great qualities. And if you think about what you do as an interior designer for your clients and even those you lead in your company, those really are excellent traits to possess. The issue is when we start to overdo it.
One last thing that I want to call out here is that overfunctioning, while it can feel really bad, it doesn't necessarily feel good to have that sense of I have to do this by myself. No one can do it but me. I have to go save this person or save the day. That can feel really stressful, but it can also feel really good.
Being the master orchestrator can be energizing. You are making it happen. You know that feeling, that zippy feeling of like, yes, I am in control, and this feels good. And also that sense of control can feed into your identity and sense of self. I think this is important to call out because we're talking about overfunctioning in this episode as something that isn't necessarily, quote unquote, good. Probably something you'd want to change in your life. And it's also useful to recognize that our behaviors always have a purpose. And so there might be a really good reason why you're feeling like you have to do this from an emotional fuel standpoint.
Your behaviors that you're engaging in can show up as almost personality traits of this is who this person is. And as the person helping someone out, wanting to be considerate, making sure all the T's are crossed and the I's are dotted, that can be great. And then sometimes we end up over the line. I like to just think of this as a category of overing.
Once you're over the line, it can really start to cause serious problems for you, including burnout, stress, resentment, trouble sleeping, and unhelpful relationship dynamics.
I don't think that there's a clear line in the sand of when it's normal, we'll call it normal functioning, versus overfunctioning. And maybe you're thinking, yeah, I am just highly responsible. I'm on top of it. I can do all these things. I can make it work. That could absolutely be true. And I still encourage you to consider where you might be pushing past your internal limit without recognizing it. Especially if overfunctioning behaviors fuel an identity that you connect to or aspire to.
From my own personal experience, this is where overfunctioning can sneakily lead to burnout. There have been times I can think back on where I was, you know, doing all the things and was actually handling it from an outside perspective, and even my own perception, because I couldn't see what I could not see, really well. And I've seen this in clients too.
From that outside perspective, you know, I was highly responsible, meeting goals. I was doing all the mom things and the work things, and feeling like, yeah, I have got this. And only in hindsight now, I can see how disconnected I was to my body, kind of like that saying living from the neck up, and not realizing that I had tipped over my own internal line.
There can be a lot of reasons why we can tip over our line without even noticing it. A lot of times this can just be the simple pace at which we're moving. If we're taking action to control everything, taking over responsibility, that just takes up a lot of mental energy and a lot of actual time. And so if we don't pause to reflect on how we're showing up, it's really hard to see what's actually going on.
And I think a big part of what was going on for me back then was I'd gotten so good at being able to pretty much mindset my way through anything. Meaning, I could quickly find alternative ways of thinking about things that would put me into action. I could follow through. I always honored what I said I was going to do, and could always motivate myself to do more and show up how I wanted to show up.
This is incredible, and mindset work is a highly effective part of my toolbox as a business owner and in my personal relationships. Being able to leverage your mind through this cognitive approach that I teach my clients absolutely will change the trajectory of your life. It honestly will. And there's also this other piece. And when I look back to Desi of, you know, more than a decade ago, she was missing this piece. And that is to learn to tune in to your own internal signals of too much or not enough.
And that really requires you to develop an awareness of the physical, emotional sensations you experience in your body, and that we often will call feelings, to understand your own tipping point and then bring yourself back to a more balanced state.
I like to think of these internal sensations as these little mini alarm bells. They're starting to go off. They're always talking to you. The question is, are you listening? Because when we just start to continually override our system, that is when the overfunctioning is going to lead to burnout. And if we're not paying attention through a variety of ways and not attending to ourselves, we will breeze right past that point.
This was really a lesson that I had to learn from, and I want to share it here with you because what I didn't realize was that you can be burned out from overfunctioning and not even realize it, or not recognize the full extent to which it's happening because of the outward appearance of handling it all, and maybe even doing a pretty good job at it. But what is happening underlying the high performance, if you're not watching for it, is that the overfunctioning coping mechanisms, because remember, we use overfunctioning to help cope with stress and anxiety. What happens is the coping mechanism starts to be the thing that actually creates the other thing we need to cope from. So the thing we're using to try to handle the stress and anxiety are actually creating more stress and anxiety.
That's not just because of the internal angst we start to feel, it's also because of some of the outward expressions of those behaviors. This could look like you not meeting deadlines because you're over-perfecting things and holding your clients up. Or it could be an office culture that you've created where it's one of micromanaging, and your employees don't feel like they have agency. So there's all sorts of negative things that can start to happen outside of just you feeling bad, which, of course, is quite bad in and of itself.
What I think we can agree though, is it is not sustainable to operate in this way. And knowing the difference between when you're taking responsibility in a way that feels whole and good for you and knowing when you've crossed the line really is crucial to your well-being and your functioning as a business owner.
This understanding has really informed my coaching philosophy over the years from my own personal experience of just working with so many designers is that we have to support our business by supporting ourselves as its most important asset. And that's going to be most effective through a combination of mindset work, body-based practices with emotions, and strategy.
This is really at the core of the methodology I'm bringing to each of my clients I work with, pulling in the various pieces as the client moves from their challenges into solutions. If you don't have all three of these, the mind, the body, and the strategy, it's really challenging to move out of overfunctioning.
To give you an example of this, maybe we look at problem solving for others or swooping in to save the day, or take over. In order to solve for this behavior that's causing issues for you, you first have to hold the belief, which is your mindset, that others are capable of rising to the occasion. Okay? If you do not have that belief, then you're going to continue to believe that you have to step in.
So, from the belief that others are capable and will rise to the occasion, then you can implement successful strategies for delegation and accountability. With the mindset and the strategy, then, you work on creating the feeling, which is the emotion or the language of the body, of assurance that you've done what was yours in this scenario. And you also work on creating the feeling of trust in yourself that if something does need to be resolved after the fact, you will be able to handle that.
When you solve for the negative outcomes of overfunctioning with this three-pronged holistic approach, you're starting to create sustainable change instead of defaulting to old patterning when there's little issues that arise.
I really encourage you to look at your overfunctioning patterns and even just the result of those patterns from this framework of what is the emotional capacity I need and what are the strategies I put in place to help support me in shifting the behaviors so that I can move from overfunctioning to a healthy level of responsibility for myself, for others, and also moving to a more balanced perception of the control you have in the future and over what you can actually influence and what you cannot.
With overfunctioning patterns, often we'll think that the solution to this feeling of being drained and overextended might be, oh, I just need to do more or push harder or next week or next month, I'm just in a season, it'll get better. Unless we tend to the underlying root causes of these behaviors, we won't see a change. And so I want you all to start to connect with your own internal knowing, whether that's a story you're telling, the sensations, the messages your body is sending you, asking yourself, am I functioning in a way that's supportive of me and others? Because just knowing that is the very first step.
And then I want to share some powerful questions you can use to start to explore how you could step out of some of these overfunctioning ways and step into a more healthy dynamic with yourself and with your business.
The first question is, what is mine and what is theirs? Where is that line and how do I stay on my side? So much of overfunctioning is this over-responsibility. And so we have to learn what is mine and what is theirs.
Another question you could ask yourself is, when I notice I want to swoop in, manage other people's emotions in a way I simply cannot do, or even notice I'm perfecting from a place of fear, what is my next best step? So when you notice you want to engage in an unuseful behavior, what is a way that you could gently bring yourself out of that pattern?
One of the things that I like to think of with overfunctioning is this very tight grip. It is your fist all clenched up and you're just trying to grasp control. So, another question you could explore is, what would it look like to soften your metaphorical grip?
And the last question I'll give you is, what am I worried will happen if I let go of the illusion I can control it all? With this question, we're letting those worries be heard. Because if overfunctioning is a way to cope with your anxiety, if we keep trying to shove the anxiety down and don't let it have its say, it will continue to fester.
Now, as you let some of these worries be heard, you could do a brain dump on it of like, I'm afraid this, I'm worried this will happen, right? Some of these fears are going to sound ridiculous when they see the light of day. And then you can go, oh, that's funny. All right. Never mind. And then some of the concerns might be valid. Let's say you're worried that if you don't do something, it won't get done. That's something that you could look at a strategy for. We could ask, why wouldn't it get done? Maybe it's that you don't have a process outlined, or you're not being clear enough in your delegation, or no one's actually owning that task. It's just sort of floating out in the ether, and you're hoping it'll get picked up. So then you know what you can do.
When you ask yourself these questions, you're going to start to increase your capacity to hold yourself and your own well-being. And of course, then that means the well-being of your business with a high level of respect. When we're overdoing it, we're often bulldozing over ourselves. So when we reset, it is for sure a way to respect ourselves. And as you engage with this work, be sure to notice even just the small shifts when you're changing your behavior, or maybe you're responding differently than before. They will happen, and I want you to be tuned in to when they do so that you can note them and encourage yourself to keep going with it.
I also want you to approach all of this with being willing to be wrong about your behaviors being necessary. Look at all of this with curiosity and possibility that maybe what you've been doing isn't as necessary as your control-enthusiast brain wants to tell you that it is. Our brain likes to be right, so we tend to look for evidence of what we believe to be true. So leave this open to the possibility of there being another way. And maintain that openness to what overfunctioning looks and feels like for you. Because the way that the way you begin to break these patterns down is going to be highly individualized.
Of course, working with a coach to understand your particular beliefs and patterns, and tendencies really can help you shift this. Having that outside perspective to see what you can't see, of course, is very effective. And if you're interested in working on this together, you can join my waitlist at desicreswell.com. If you click on the coaching tab, you can learn all about Design to Thrive private coaching partnerships and add your name to the waitlist, because that is the way that you will get first access when a spot becomes available.
As we wrap up, I do want to just acknowledge that this work can be uncomfortable, and we have to remember as we do it that it will be worth it. It will be worth it in creating balance in how you manage your time and how you engage in relationships in a mutually supportive way, and in how you're able to really create that thriving business you actually enjoy running.
And the key piece here is how you're going to create more true calm versus faux calm. And true calm is that calm that comes from within you and your own internal capacity and steadiness with yourself as the leader. Whereas overfunctioning is a faux type of calm. All we're doing is feeding that belief that we can control everything. And when we believe that, we have to maintain that heightened, highly activated state at all times in order to preserve the feeling of calm, even though it's not actually calm. So that is like the ultimate gift is feeling that grounded, centered, steady space inside of you, and having that be the person who grows this business.
I'd love to hear what you think about this episode, what parts hit home, what you're going to implement. And if you know another designer who would benefit from hearing this message, I encourage you to share it. Not only does this help me spread the word about the show, which is so, so useful, and thank you to all of you who've shared the show. The other big thing is that you could be the catalyst for change in someone else's world just by sharing this episode.
Next week, I'm going to be back with a brand new episode. Make sure you're subscribed to the show. I have some announcements coming up that you're really going to want to hear about what is next for both me personally and the podcast. And until then, I'm wishing you a beautiful week.
Thanks for joining me for this week's episode of The Interior Design Business CEO. If you want more tips, tools and strategies visit DesiCreswell.com, where you’ll get immediate access to a variety of free resources to help you take what you learn on the podcast and put it into action. And if you love what you’re hearing, be sure to rate, review, and follow the show wherever you listen to podcasts to ensure you never miss an episode. I’ll talk to you next week.
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